Why You Shouldn’t Stress So Much Over a First Date

You went out one night with your girlfriends and met this really handsome guy. You chatted a bit, and just before you left he asked you for your number. A few days later, he calls and asks you on a date. You say yes, naturally. But all of a sudden you’re a nervous wreck. This guy was really cute and seemed really nice – you don’t want to screw it up! Now an event that’s supposed to be fun has become totally stressful for you. Why do first dates have to be so nerve-wracking?

The answer is: they don’t. First dates shouldn’t be stressful, they should be comfortable and fun. Will you have a few butterflies in your stomach? Of course. But if you’re so stressed out that you almost want to call and cancel, it’s a bad sign. You should never stress so much over a first date, and here’s why.
He Already Likes You

If a guy asks you out on a date, it means he likes you. He might not know a whole lot about you, but what he does know and see he likes. You already have a leg-up. He sees something in you already, and all you have to do is continue to be yourself.

It’s Not as Important as You Think It Is

First dates are important, yes, but they aren’t as important as you think they are. Everyone gets nervous on first dates, and they rarely ever go perfectly. You can’t expect instant shooting stars; you just have to work on building some kind of connection. If he likes you, he won’t hold it against you that you used the wrong fork or said the wrong thing. The second and third dates are more important ones.

No One Else is Going to Care

If you do something embarrassing on a first date, in most cases no one else is ever going to find out unless you tell them. The people who really matter to you – your friends, family, coworkers – they aren’t going to be judging your first date performance. If it doesn’t go so well, you can move on and forget about it.

If It Doesn’t Work Out, So What?

When you’re getting so stressed out about one first date, what are you worried about? That it won’t work out? If it doesn’t work out, so what? That guy was just one guy, and he obviously wasn’t the one for you. It’s better to find out now rather than later. There are so many other fish in the sea, as they say, and you can just go on another first date with someone else.

Here’s the bottom line – first dates are not worth stressing over. You are nervous, but he’s probably a little nervous, too. First dates usually don’t go as well as planned, and it would be weird if you didn’t have at least one awkward moment. Don’t let your stress get in the way of you having fun and getting to know someone new. Just relax and enjoy yourself. If things don’t go well, no big deal – just don’t have a second date.

Michelle Leigh is a self described fashionista who often blog and covers a broad range of topics from relationship advice to cosmetic brushes and style.

Photo Credit:  Tastino0 – www.tastino0.it

Conversations for the Second Date

The second date is a critical time in any new relationship. The first date may not have involved much talking and chances are you did not get to know each other as much as you would have liked. For the relationship to progress, there are questions that should be asked to help you figure out what type of future you may have with this person.

Find out what are the person’s interests. There may be some common ground that you both share and this can serve as a foundation to build on the relationship. You may speak on your likes and dislikes on many topics and find his/her opinion on these subjects. There are many things to talk about, just choose one and learn what the other person thinks about it. These may include questions such as what do you like to do in your spare time or do you like to watch sports.

You may also ask questions about the person’s past. When treading on this territory, exercise special care in the delivery of your inquiries. Certain discussions may bring up hurtful memories from the past. Focus on happy themes and the person’s favorite foods that he/she enjoyed eating while growing up. This will lighten the mood and allow you to become better acquainted with your date.

As you continue conversing, it is very important to raise the subject of what your partner looks for in a relationship. This will provide you with a window to your date’s soul and showcase the qualities that characterize that person.

At this point, you may delve into the personal beliefs of your date. This will give you an idea as to who you are dating. Ask the person about life changing moments and its impact on his/her life.

Having discussions about the person’s future is another ideal topic to raise during your second encounter. The fact that there is a second date indicates that the potential exists for an ongoing relationship. Their future plans will be a good way to test your compatibility. Stay away from questions such as when he/she would like to get married or how many kids he/she wants to have. Chat about each other’s dreams, goals and aspirations. You do not want to scare your date away with too many intrusive questions. Bear in mind that it is only a second date, so keep your dialogue limited to more introspective topics.

When going out with a person for the second time, such an encounter should not be primarily about interrogation. Your date should not face a barrage of questions. Instead he/she should be engaged in active, stimulating conversation that will eventually answer all your questions. The discussion should feel natural and be engaging. Look your date in the eyes when he/she is responding. This shows your interest in the dialogue. Maintaining a relaxed and balanced state of mind will grant you a successful second date. Once everything goes well, there will be many more dates in the future.

Haliyma Barrow holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in Spanish and a minor in journalism from Indiana University of Pennsylvania, and a Master of Public Administration from New York University. Barrow regularly contributes articles at online writing sites such as EduBook, EzineArticles and Screen Junkies, with focus on dating related topics.

The Basics of a First Date

If you find yourself at the end of a date alone and facing rejection, it could be because you’ve made a mistake. First dates are not easy to pull off. You want to impress the other person while having a good time, all the while your heart is beating a mile a minute. But you should always take some time to stay aware and survey the situation. Be yourself, but also take care not to commit any of these major errors.

A first date is all about the conversation you have. The main point is to get to know one another. So keep to this basic rule and don’t stray too far from normal conversation. That means staying away from talking about your exes and past relationships. Also be weary of engaging in chat with regards to politics or religion. And keep the conversation balanced so that you have a chance to talk, but so does the other person. There’s nothing worse you can do than dominate the conversation, so remember that both of you are on that first date together.

Some people simply try to hard when it comes to the first date. This can be a big mistake because you should never confuse impressing someone with appearing desperate. So leave the huge bouquet of flowers at home and hold off on booking those cruise tickets to Mexico. If done properly, all you have to do is bring yourself and that is enough for a first get together. Dress nicely by all means, but don’t worry about sweeping her off her feet. If there is chemical attraction, this will happen no matter what you do. That’s the great thing about first dates, if you are two soulmates who are destined to be together, then you don’t have to put much effort into it. Finding your true love isn’t easy, but when you’re holding hands with someone perfect for you, you won’t have to work hard at it at all.

How to Handle The Second Date

So you’ve gone on that first date and everything went really well. You could tell while everything was taking place that you had a connection and the two of you had fun. Even before asking, you knew that another date was inevitable since there was great chemistry and sparks were in the air. But now here’s the dilemma: how do you follow up on a good first date?

The first thing you want to do is pick a good location to have your second date. It will still be too early to invite someone over for supper so you’re still in public space territory. As such, your selection of destinations should be kept simple. Avoid going to the movies since you won’t have a chance to speak there. It’s not until you get to know each other and feel very comfortable that you want to spend time doing an activity where there is limited talking. You could try going to a restaurant for a quick meal, but why not be more adventurous?

Ideally, the first date took place at lunch time or it was a very simple early dinner. If you feel a good connection, you can go for lunch again but this time, add an activity to the possible itinerary. A trip to the park or a stroll around downtown is the perfect accompanying activity with a light meal. Remember, the second date is not the occasion to overdo the romance. You still want to keep it casual since the feeling-out process is still happening. But this is an essential time because you are in the transition between “casual time” and “romantic time”. Use this period wisely since you can learn about your date without being bogged down by any serious pressures.

The second date should be light, casual, and memorable. Remember the highlights of the first date and instead of trying to re-create them, you should be elaborating on them. Create the memories on which further dates will be based on and have fun while doing it. If all goes well, you’ll be preparing for that third get-together!

A story about two soul-mates can be found here:

Or dating advice on pickup lines highlighted here: