The Secret Ingredient that Builds Relationship Health, Happiness and Longevity

Christian Singles

Kindness is “the life” of all healthy relationships, as blood is to the health of the body. Yes, a person can develop strong muscles, cultivate beautiful hair and have the best teeth around–but without healthy blood, it is to no avail; sickness and death are within striking range! The same is true of relationship health. Kindness is needed in abundance for love and respect to flow between the two people and to prevent relationship breakup.

You want your partner to want to be with you, be close to you in all ways, eagerly await your presence–you want a healthy relationship! Then be kind to him or her; instruct your partner to be the same with you. And in so doing, you will avoid many common relationship problems.

Milton Erickson, one the greatest and most creative psychotherapists of modern times, tells the story of a sad and lonely woman that came to him for treatment. She complained she had no friends–none at all. During the interview, she told him she loved to garden. In these words, Ericson found a treatment opportunity.

He told her, “Go back home, grow some African Violets and give them out to your neighbors.” She did. As well, she answered their many questions on how to care for them.

Within a short time, she made many friends. She had merged into her community and become an active member. Erickson understood what she needed–and it wasn’t years of soul searching and time consuming therapy. What she needed, simply, was to behave kindly with others. And so she did, and so she cured her loneliness!

Kindness is as basic as crayons, dolls and Legos. I can prove it!

Let’s go back to school? I don’t mean university, not even high school–how about kindergarten? Think, what happened to children when they were mean–when they bit, hit or stole? Answer: If the offending child didn’t stop, he or she was taken out of the classroom.

That’s just how basic kindness is–it was an absolutely necessity! If you made it through grade school, you knew how to be kind; you know how to get along with others. You may have been imperfect, but you knew enough about kindness to succeed as a citizen of your school! Why should your home be any different?

You want a loving and long lasting relationship with your spouse or partner. You need to be kind to him or her. Here is what to do:

1. Acknowledge your partner when you see him or her. Use your words or body to express your love and care.

2. Talk to your partner, inquiring about his or her well being.

3. Show you care by doing favors; by giving compliments; by being appreciative whenever something is done for you–even (especially) when it is done often!

4. Be sensitive to your partner’s difficulties and when possible try to help.

5. Stay in-touch throughout the day. Send a text message; call on the phone; let him or her know you are thinking about them. What you say is not as important as your efforts to connect.

6. Speak gently, with a comforting voice. If this does not come naturally, then practice until it does.

7. Hold back criticism / anger and foster acceptance.

8. When your spouse is upset, be a warm fuzzy and not a cold prickly–even if he or she is upset about you; you are accused of being the source of many relationship problems! Don’t get angry or run off. Rather, ask the question: What can I say or do to help my partner feel better and calm down? Then do it.

The only way your partner will feel your kindness is if your behavior consistently proves it. That’s just the way it is! It is not enough for “you” to think you are kind, or to ‘tell’ your partner you are kind. As it is said, “Actions speak louder than words.”

The opportunities to behave kindly are limitless. The greater your effort, the healthier and happier your relationship will be. Kindness is the magic ingredient that will bring out the best in both of you. This is great relationships advice that will prevent many relationship problems or even total breakdown.

If you have had a kindness deficiency, then I want you to know it will take time to repair the damage and save your relationship from further injury. You can’t remodel a house in a single day. So too, you can’t immediately change around your relationship. When you make a commitment to be kind, give it time.

Be patient like a gardener watching seedlings mature. Be consistent, be determined and your kindness will prevail–your home will become one of love, care and respect.

Kindness is the one thing you can’t get rid of. Why? The more you “give-away,” the more you “get-back.” Being kind is a great investment. The dividends are certain and the gains are great–what could be better than that? So my friend–be kind.

Abe Kass, M.A., R.S.W., R.M.F.T., C.C.H., is a relationship specialist. He is a certified family therapist with the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, and unlike many self-help gurus, he is the real deal. Visit his website: www.GoSmartLife.com

Is Your Family Against Your New Relationship? Here’s How To Win Them Over

Christian Singles

Starting a new relationship can be one of the best times of your life, especially when you think you have found Mr. or Mrs. Right. However, when your family is against the relationship, things can stop being fun in a hurry. Assuming you’ve found the right person – and that your family doesn’t have a legitimate beef with your new partner – there are some simple things you can do to win your family over (or at least try to win them over).

Find Out Why

Open communication with your family is really the key to getting them to accept your new relationship. You need to find out exactly what their issues are, and whether or not they are founded on reality. Sometimes families are incredibly difficult to please, and they will initially dislike even the nicest, most thoughtful men and women until they get to know them better. If this is your situation, all you need is time and a little communication to win them over. This also applies to winning over your friends who might object to your new relationship.

On the other hand, if you find that your family has legitimate and carefully explained concerns, you may have a tougher time getting your family to see the best aspects of your partner. Your family may have some reasonable concerns, but that doesn’t mean that your relationship isn’t worthwhile…it just means that you’re going to have to do a little work. Connect with a relationship counselor, and once you’ve completed your sessions, you and your partner should report back to your family if you want to win their approval.

It also helps to remember that your family doesn’t necessarily need to know everything. If you call your Mom or your sister to complain about something – but then don’t call them back to tell them all the great things your partner is doing – they might assume your partner is a bad match. Your family only knows what you tell them, so use discretion when you talk to them in order to avoid future problems.

Making Decisions

At the end of the day, or the end of the wedding, you are the one that is going to be spending your life with your partner. If you can’t reconcile your family’s concerns, and you’ve found a great guy or girl in your life that you don’t want to live without, your family will eventually come to terms with your relationship. Hopefully, in time they will see that you are satisfied and happy with the person you have chosen, and they will grow to love your partner as you do.

Some families are less than willing to move past old grudges. When a relationship has a lot of past drama that influences your family’s opinion, you will definitely have a more difficult time with reconciliation. You may want to have your partner speak directly to the family, to give them peace of mind that things have changed. Of course, your partners future actions will also help determine whether or not there is a change of opinion about him or her.

Finally, don’t forget that these concerns go both ways. Your family might object to your partner, but it could also be that your partner objects to your family. Everyone needs to understand that they’re all in this for you. If they love you, they need to work out their differences as best they can for your sake.

Author Jason Lancaster works with GayDatingSites.com. Be sure to check out their list of 100 hilarious pick up lines.

How To Solve Relationship Problems And Restore Love

Christian Singles

To get from where you are to where you want to be, you need a plan. The same goes with marriage and relationships. Often, you need a plan to solve your relationship problems.

You know that love can take many different shapes and it’s not always a breeze to keep your partner happy and content. The first years of marriage can be amazing but after some time, you may start to feel squabbles coming your way. It is the sign that the partnership between you two is actually made of two distinct parts that need to be harmoniously balanced. When you overcome your problems your love gets more profound.

Unfortunately, intuition plays a huge role in most couples’ efforts to solve their problems. Instead of solving their conflicts by coming up with a plan, what they do is return to their primal instincts – demands and anger – in an attempt to fix things. These instincts do not just fail in making things right, but they also burn down whatever’s left from their love.

Restoring Love Or Solving Problems

I know there is no marriage free of struggle. Conflicts do not necessarily mean trouble or the end of the road. Every now and then, arguments enable the partners to express their differences in opinions and find solutions or come to terms and compromise.

Squabbles and fights come up because the two partners bring into the relationships two different worlds, different experiences, predispositions and expectations. This is why conflicts arise all the time, be in money, jobs, sex and a lot more. In most cases, couples believe that if they manage to solve their conflicts, they’d be happy again. But I’ve found that marriages can be amazing, in spite conflicts, which sometimes remain never fully resolved.

The difference between partners who stay in everlasting joyous relationships and those who regret the day they met is not in whether or not they fight all the time. It’s in finding their way back to each other and be able to restore their love. Restoring love is the most important thing in a marriage and having a solid relationship even after the fight is even greater.

The Love Bank

Here is a metaphor to help you understand how love arises and fades. Imagine that all of us have our own Love Bank and all the people in our lives have a separate account at our bank. Think of it as a way to track how others treat us.

When a person treats us bad, Love Units are withdrawn from their account; however, if someone treats us well, we link those good feelings to their account and add Love Units to that. When the balance is up, we get fond of that person and when it’s down, we feel the opposite.

So, love can be with you forever, if you just know how to add (and not withdraw) units from the Love Bank and keep depositing them. It’s that easy. All you really need to do is to keep the Love Bank levels above the romantic love threshold.

 

This article has been contributed by Aishwarya Vohra from Offshore Ally. She is one of the many talented SEO link builders and virtual assistant of the company. She is a nature lover who likes to read and write on the subject of human psychology, food and music. Connect with her via Twitter.

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