Come on, I know what you’re thinking. Most romantics would agree with the title. All you need is love. A lot of women believe this is the only reason to get married. It’s so easy to say, but when it comes down to it, is it really true? After all, times are different now. Back then marriage was about stability, a promised future, and certain social status. Today, you can marry any man you want and all you need is two witnesses and to be happy with his, um, assets. Before you make the plunge, consider the following points:
• The first thing we have to check out is how the two of you interact during a problem or crisis. Can the two of you really handle one another or do you find someone pulling more weight than the other? I’ve seen couples go both ways, but no matter what reactions they had there was a hidden balance. Balance being they were able to work with each other, not against one another. A husband should be like a secretary, if you call in for a week they should be able to take over right away and pick up your slack with ease. Teamwork is important. You can’t be a one woman team, if you want to be, go ahead and enjoy being single until you’re ready.
• A lot of people don’t admit it, but having security really is a huge part in a couple’s relationship. You might be finishing up a college degree while he stays at home and plays Call of Duty on his Xbox. Don’t get me wrong, a man having gaming habits is a nice way to receive some space, but if this is all he does, is it worth it? A man has to have a job or some kind of dream of becoming more. You know the women that stay with the starving and struggling artist, it’s because they truly believe he will make it big someday, no matter how long it takes. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is. Bottom line, ensure there is ambition within him or else you’ll be wondering why you never questioned it sooner.
• The biggest and most common question is the trust you hold within each other. You can love someone till the end of time, but if you’re torturing yourself day after day wondering if he’s seeing someone on the side based on his past, it’s not going to work. I say this because I care. Women are sympathetic, they want to be the ones to change their ways, but we have to accept the fact that sometimes it is not an option. Do not, I repeat, do not torture yourself if you question his intentions. You do not want to waste your time with someone who doesn’t care about you. By the time it’s over, you could have been happily married to some other guy for years. Don’t do it. Follow and trust your instincts on this.
Don’t get me wrong, loving someone is half the battle, but it cannot be the only thing you contemplate before making a life-long commitment. If you’ve honestly considered all of these ideas and still have some positive thoughts about your man, you have my personal blessing to get hitched. If later down the road you realize you’d made a horrible mistake, no big deal. You can always get your ring appraised and find out how much your diamond worth is and resell it.
Fran Delaney writes on love, relationships and marriage from her hometown of Los Angeles, CA.
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